The Mary Sues
by The Silver Feathered Raven
Summary: OneShot about three girls who go to get jobs as characters in a fan fiction.


A/N: This is a short piece that I wanted to write, just for fun. One-shot. No flaming, please.

The Author looked up from her work as the door swung open. "Yes?"

Three teenage girls were standing there. It looked like something from a blond joke; one was a brunette, one red headed, and the third was blond. The Author suppressed the urge to laugh.

The brunette walked forward, setting something down on the desk before The Author. "We saw this ad in the paper."

The Author stared at it for a moment, then looked up at the three girls. "And?"

The blond rolled her eyes. "Isn't it obvious? We want the job."

The Author blinked and looked back down at the ad she had written several days before. Well, it wasn't surprising to see why they would want the job. She smoothed the slightly crumpled paper with her hand.

Wanted

Characters for new Lord of the Rings

Romance fan fictions. Take your pick of

the unclaimed males of Tolkien's works!

Legolas, Boromir, and more! Personalities

supplied.

Requirements: Female, able to work long

hours, can accept harsh criticism from flamers.

Pays $45 per hour.

"And you all want this job?"

The brunette and the blond nodded. The red head yawned.

"Yes and no," she said, sitting down in one of the chairs. "They sort of dragged me along. It would be nice to see Middle Earth, though. I guess."

The blond looked scandalized. "You guess? What do you mean, 'I guess,' Cindy? God, this is a dream come true! To meet and fall in love with Legolas…" A dreamy look came over her face. Then she snapped out of it. "You can do that, can't you?"

The Author nodded, leaning back in her chair and setting her feet up on the desk. "Yes, I can. Now, would you all sit down? There is some explaining and paperwork before I can put you into the stories. Or story. Whatever you prefer."

The blond sat down instantly, followed by the brunette. The Author looked all three of them over. Perfect Mary Sues. Of course, she could always change how they looked…

"Now, I will need you names." The Author pulled out a pen, her hand pausing over a blank piece of paper. "Well?"

"I think you probably figured it out, but my name is Cindy." The red head was slouching in her chair. The Author pressed her lips together. She could change that attitude. She carefully wrote down the name. She didn't bother to ask for the last name. Blank characters don't have last names.

"I'm Beth," said the blond, twirling a piece of her hair. She was wearing all pink. Even her jeans were pink. That would have to be changed for Middle Earth…

"Jill." The brunette spoke in one of those voices that made you instantly know that she was the leader of the group. "So, what do we have to do?"

The Author finished writing down the names of the girls. Cindy, Beth, and Jill. "Well, there are some things that we need to get sorted out before I put you into a story. First of all, we need to go over the storyline. Do you all want to be in the same story?"

Beth's eyes lit up, but Jill just shrugged. "Whatever. Okay, fine, Beth. All in the same story."

The Author made some notes on this, then looked up again. "Now, then, which men do you want?"

Practically before she could finish saying this, Beth had already yelled: "Legolas! I must have Legolas!"

Cindy winced at Beth's voice. "Quiet down, please, Beth. Your going to make me deaf one of these days!" Beth gave her an apologetic smile.

"And you, Jill?" asked The Author. The brunette shrugged again.

"I wouldn't mind Eomer."

The Author got out a well thumbed through copy of The Lord of the Rings. "It says here that he marries a woman named Lothiriel. I can change that. And it can be fixed. All right, Eomer it is." She jotted that down on her paper. "And you?"

Cindy scowled. "I really don't care."

"Gollum."

Cindy glared at Beth. "No thank you. Slimy, emaciated creatures do not turn me on."

"Hm." The Author bit the end of her pen. "Well, we can always pair you up with Boromir—" Cindy was already shaking her head.

"No. That will mess up the story. At least, it will if you keep him alive. I would prefer not to screw up the original story. That much." She looked over at Jill. "And I really don't think that you should go for Eomer, either."

Jill pouted.

The Author rolled her eyes. "I shall give you pair you up with Glorfindel. How is that? He doesn't have much told about him, so you can't screw that up. Plus, he is mostly only in slash fiction. It will be good for him to be with a woman, for once." She scribbled this all down on her paper. Cindy looked defeated. "Now, we have to go over your characters."

"Our…characters." Jill's words weren't really a question. Actually, she sounded a little revolted.

"Yes, your characters," The Author repeated. "You have the opportunity to change you name, you personality, you looks. Or, you can choose from one of our pre-made characters. The Elven warrior is the most popular."

Cindy looked skeptical. "So, you are just going to push us into a mold and shove us into a story?"

The Author glared at her. "Do you want to be in the story or not? Besides, it's your choice about all of this. _I_ may make some minor changes as the story continues, but I need an idea of what I am working with."

Cindy inclined her head. "Fine. Can we see our choices?"

"Some of the choices. Like I said, you _can_ come up with the combination that you want on your own."

Beth leaned forward as The Author opened up her laptop and pulled up a rather large file. She connected the computer to a projector, which allowed for all the girls to see the pictures where they appeared on the white wall.

"Oooo, is there a section all for Elvish girls?"

The Author nodded. "Yes. As well as one for Humans, Hobbits, Easterlings, Dwarves, and Orcs."

"Ewww! Orcs?"

"Yes. This is just a standard issue file. Whoever made up these characters seemed to think that someone might want an orc romance."

Beth made a face. "That is disgusting."

"I agree. But you do not have to be an orc in this fan fiction."

Beth looked at the projection. "Hmmm. Well, I want to be an Elf." The Author brought up that part of the file.

"Anything in particular?"

Beth giggled. "Someone who looks like me. With my personality. Except, she has to be an Elf."

The Author sighed and input that into the computer. A picture appeared on the screen, a perfect replica of Beth, except that she had more Elvish features. "Is this good?"

Beth nodded. "Yes!"

Cindy looked up. "Was that already in the computer?" she asked, looking interested for once.

"Why, of course!" said the Author. "We have unlimited profiles! Practically ever combination you can think of! It is just that we need characters to fill them."

Cindy frowned. "Can you elaborate? Shut up, Beth, I want to hear this!" The blond began to sulk. "Well?"

The Author folded her hands and set them on the desk. "Well, all of what you see on this screen are just _ideas_ for characters. What you really need for a character is a _soul_. Which is why I need you." Cindy still looked suspicious, but she let the subject drop. "Now, Beth, is there anything you want to change?"

Beth chewed her bottom lip. "N—"

"Wait!" Cindy cut in again. "Can you tell us all about this 'character'? You said it was already made. Does that mean it already has a name and everything?"

The Author nodded and pulled up the stats. on the character.

Name: Lauriel

Age: 3,250

Appearance: Long blond hair, sapphire blue eyes, fair skin, tall and willowy.

Personality: Sweet tempered, kind, empathetic. Never gets angry at anyone.

Other: Liked by all, she likes dresses and jewelry, singing and dancing.

Cindy grimaced. "Sounds like a Mary Sue."

Beth hit Cindy on the shoulder. "Shut up. I like it. Okay, that's me. Lauriel."

The Author nodded. "And you, Jill?"

Jill turned and looked at the projection. "Can you bring up humans? Thanks. Okay, I want a Gondorian of high social status. Black hair, silver eyes. Do you have that?"

A selection of characters showed up on the screen. Jill pointed to the first one. "Can I see the profile?"

Name: Saranna

Age: 16

Appearance: Long black hair, silver eyes, pale skin. 5'4"

Personality: Fiery. Argues, stands up for herself. Does have a very sweet side.

Other: Enjoys horseback riding, fighting.

Cindy gagged. "Another Mary Sue!"

"I like it," argued Jill. "It sounds like me!"

The Author finished recording this, than turned to Cindy. "And you, dear?"

Cindy crossed her arms. "Anything that isn't a Mary Sue."

The Author blinked. "But, Cindy, there is no way that you won't be a Mary Sue."

Everyone turned and stared at her. "What do you mean?"

The Author sighed for what seemed like the millionth time that day. "Well, you see, _everyone_ is a Mary Sue. Unless they are male. In that case, the are a Marty Stu. But they don't show up in fan fiction that much.

"I guess that I have to tell you about Mary Sues now. First of all, it doesn't matter how good a Fan Fiction writer is; she, or he, will always end up with a Mary Sue. If the girl gets the guy, or the guy gets the girl, than it is a Mary Sue. Or Marty Stu. How about I just talk about Mary Sues?

"Anyway, it doesn't matter how plain they are, how extraordinary they are. What makes them a Mary Sue is the fact that they have something in them that draws the guy to them. Take this 'Mary Sue', for instance." She brought up a file of a girl with very messy hair and thick glasses. "Not incredibly pretty, nerdy, the bookworm type. Guess what? She's a Mary Sue. I've seen her in several fan fiction stories. She always gets the guy, because she is so…ordinary. Now, look here." A picture came up of an incredibly pretty girl with long blond hair. "This one ended up with Legolas in one story. She has a horrible temper. But she got Legolas. Therefore, she's a Mary Sue.

"This one?" The picture this time was of a very ugly girl. "Someone tried this in an effort to make it un-sueish. She ended up with Boromir. By the end of the story, she still looked the same. In this case, she got Boromir because of her personality, because she was so likable.

"And there's more. Some tall, some short. Some nice, some mean. Fat, thin, medium. Big chested, small chested, cruel, kind, scatterbrained, smart, every single one of them is a Mary Sue if they get their guy." She looked out at the three girls. "It is just that some of them are harder to identify than others. Now, do you still want to be in the story?"

Cindy got up. "Thank you for clarifying this Mary Sue business. I've been wondering about it for a while. But no, I don't want to be in the story."

The Author blinked at her. "Then why did you come? Did your friends blackmail you into it?"

Cindy started laughing. "No. I just wanted to hear an author admit that she uses Mary Sues. It is great amusement. See you all!" She waved, walking back out the door and closing it in their faces.

Jill sat there, stunned. "She really left. We thought that she wanted to be in the story."

"Really? I knew that she didn't want to be in it," said a now very empathetic Lauriel. Jill jumped about a foot out of her seat when she saw the transformation that Beth had made. "Anyway, when do I get to meet Legolas?"


End file.
